How deep is your clean?

Is deep cleaning done by maids on steroids?

That’s the question I shot back when I was told that this process would take less than an hour, for the room. Well, I assumed deep cleaning would, as the name suggested, be a more elaborate exercise involving a prep reconnaissance mission, a plan of action of sorts followed by fancy cleaning tools that went where no maid’s broom has ever gone before…

And then there would be those scanners – you know, the stuff they show you on Crime Patrol, used by forensic experts, to counter rouge microbes that tend to creep up your nose when you practice your morning prānāyāmā…

This surely doesn’t sound like a one-hour exercise.

Anyways, terminology varies, and like I am slowly finding out, deep cleaning differs from bio cleaning and sanitizing and ultra-heavy cleaning (whatever that means) and countless other creations of a thesaurus gone awry. Oh yes, there are organic chemicals on offer as well – at a premium of course, for anything that starts with organic cannot be cheap now can it?

There are ‘treatments’ for the room, much like a spa for us poor humans, that claim to rejuvenate energies and balance systems, which led me to try to remember the last time I had one. And of course, the traditional pest control, also offered in an organic and eco-friendly variety, which may involve the therapists gently cajoling roaches and lizards to seek refuge elsewhere. Oh, the power of persuasion!

Nevertheless, I am in the market for a swacch-ghar abhiyaan of my own, so will have to go through a lot of chaff to reach places of interest. Nothing fancy, I just want my room to be habitable again…is that too much to ask?

Depends. At present, in an engrossing one-way conversation with a bot, that understands everything except the question at hand. How do I reach a human?? Oh, we don’t clean humans, comes the response. Of course. Thank you for technology!