There are good days as a parent, and there are not so good days. Today was a not so good day, but not in a way that you may think.
It’s ironical that we spend a good part of a child’s formative years trying to make them independent – to stand on their feet, to walk, to do things by themselves. We frustrate ourselves at times, when the child refuses to do mundane tasks that, in our head, should have been done by themselves by now. Eating food, switching on lights, putting on clothes – from the simple to the slightly complex – many a day have been spent in laboriously trying to coach the ward…But..
But when they finally start to do all that we wanted them to do, there is a bittersweet feeling – he now does not need me for this, or for that – watching Keshav perform some of these tasks that he couldn’t do without me, even a few months back, makes me happy, but a bit sad as well. I cannot really describe it, but am sure that those who are parents will know this feeling well. Letting your precious little one go a bit further away from you is never easy, and unfortunately this is only the start. A lot of “letting go” is yet to happen:)
Here is something that I had written around 2023…three years back, and the feeling has only grown. Maybe you will identify with it too…
When you attend your very first day at school,
I will be there, holding your hand, taking you in,
Watching you as you walk apprehensively
towards those who will be part of your future.
And a small step away from me…
When you attend your first day at college,
I will mostly see you off, as you set out,
confident, full of wonder, excitement
with me looking at you in mixed joy…
taking your next few steps away from me…
When you attend your first day at work,
You may ask me for some advice, or maybe not
but I will still be around, should you need me
as you take a first step towards your career,
and a lot more steps away from me…
Steps away from me, they are not to be thought of,
its part of the circle of life, it is.
I may sound nostalgic, a tad bit sad, but I’m not
I just wonder what you would be thinking, feeling,
as your friends, your colleagues, your girlfriends,
ask you the meaning of your name Rohāmrta,
will it invoke a bit of sentiment in you, pride maybe?
Would you remember me for that brief moment,
and smile? Would I be able to see it?
Steps away from me, they are not to be thought of,
its part of the circle of life, it is.
For we do have our slight little moments,
That belong to us and us only,
And those steps don’t really matter,
because they cannot create distances,
in the matters of the heart. No they can’t.
Steps away from me, they are not to be thought of,
its part of the circle of life, it is.
its part of the circle of life, it is.